The New Me

Well, it's been almost a year! I promised an update after my surgery in May. I know this is late, but I didn't want to keep writing about this, so I thought I'd save my thoughts and wrap it all up when I was a year postpartum. Well here we are! Unbelievable. What an awesome year.
This time last year I was 33 weeks along and got a hernia. (Ouch.) That's what my surgery was for in May. At the time that I had the surgery I was 7 months postpartum, and very discouraged that I was working out like crazy, eating right, and I still looked pregnant. A big part of that was due to my diastasis (separation of the ab muscles), which was supposed to get better with intense exercise, and did, a little. After the girls were born, my hernia was no longer painful, and it was never dangerous, so for a while I considered not paying for the surgery. I am SO glad I did.
As a side note: I really recommend anyone in a similar situation to have their OB check for an umbilical hernia. They often go unnoticed. When I got my hernia repaired, I felt incredible. I think I'd been nauseated since my last month of pregnancy and just didn't remember what normal felt like anymore. Now I feel fantastic. My ab muscles are strong. I know it sounds weird, but if you've been there, you know.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't go back to my pre-pregnancy body, and I won't. I still have stretch marks, loose skin, etc. That's ok. I don't look pregnant anymore, finally, and I'm glad for that.

Here's a little before and after:

Me and my ever-present sense of humor. Dec '13

11 months postpartum. Sept '14

Here's some things I've learned to keep in mind that have helped me along the way.

1. My girls love me to pieces. They love my hair. They love my eyes. They LOVE my mouth for some reason (and are always trying to put their food-covered fingers in there). They don't mind a little extra squish for cuddling purposes.

2. All I can do is be the best possible version of myself. I can't hold a supermodel up as my standard. I can really only compare myself to myself. I'm not going to look like someone else. That was true before I ever had a "mom body". But I do have every reason to hit the gym hard and eat right--because I want to be the best I can be.

3. I have a new body. I can't compare it to my old body anymore than I can compare myself to Megan Fox.

I knew I was finally ready to write this to you because this week I experienced closure on the subject. Of course it is still frustrating when clothes don't fit right and things don't look like they used to fit on me. The other day, after spending an inordinate amount of time trying to find something to wear (while my sweet husband watched the girls for me), I knew I cared way too much. I could have been spending that time tickling my kids or talking to Stephen. I have a full length mirror hanging on the door in our bathroom in addition to our vanity, and it's that mirror that I'm always judging myself with. Well, I'm done. I took it down. In fact, I discovered the girls really like it! So now it hangs in their room, and we make faces at ourselves in the morning. Amber kisses herself in the mirror. Avery tries to poke herself. And I cuddle my babies. Let me tell you what, girls: that mirror has never been so flattering.