Whining

I get so stressed out sometimes. I freak out. I whine to God. I'm glad the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, but I'm quite certain God still recognizes the whining. This month I was doing that. I got all wrapped up in my own little world, and couldn't focus on bigger things. I pleaded with God for things to happen the way I want them to, in my time, in my way. And then, late at night, when I was really listening, I heard God tell me that I don't even know what I want. And I don't. But the implication in that was that God does (which I already knew). And he loves me, and will take care of me. He's got a plan for everything.

Seriously.

It's really easy to crack open the Bible to the proverbs and preach a little in no general direction. Last time I wrote I was learning about truth sharing. What I didn't tell you is how I was planning to respond to what I was reading. Why not? Easy. I was nervous. And I wanted to reserve the ability to back out, I suppose. I'm sure everyone's expereienced what I have: relationships that burn a little. Sometimes you get to a point at which it's easier to let go, stop talking. Well I am no stranger to these relationships, certainly. And since I live in the land of What People Think, I'm constantly aware of the image I put out, specifically to those people. Well, my friends, as it turns out, grooming my own personal image to make myself look better to the people I'm afraid of is lying. And God's been nudging me to fix it for years. So last week, I finally obeyed what I knew God wanted me to do a long time ago. I started being real in my relationships with those people again. Simple truthsharing. We intentionally went out and talked. And we'll do it again! And this big world is all the less lonely.

Truthsharing

Over the summer I've spent more time than I'm willing to admit getting swept into the teen drama TV series Pretty Little Liars. I'm embarrassed about that fact that I get so caught up in it sometimes because it's cheesy and is probably shooting for a younger audience. But speaking as a girl who wasn't too old for Looney Tunes till college, someone please pass the popcorn.
No spoilers here. Just know that the general story is about four high school friends who get caught up in a web of lies. I'm at a point in the series now where their lies are so deep and have gone on for so long, that all their parents or the police know is a lie that covers up a lie, that covers up another lie. And for the life of me, I have no idea how they'll get out anymore. I'm not even sure they'd be able to tell the whole truth anymore if they wanted to, just because it would take so long to tell it all. And that, of course, is part of the draw. But if each friend would be willing to let go of her original lie and tell the whole truth, I feel like a full police force could handle the antagonist, whoever they may be.
It's doubtful most of the people reading this blog have the same troubles the four pretty little girls from Rosewood High find themselves in, but Proverbs is clear that someone who willfully lies to cover up their past will "fall into calamity" (17:20),  "will not escape" (19:5), and "will perish" (19:9).
The Bible is full of ironies, and this is one of them. Aria, Hannah, Emily, Spencer, and the rest of the world lie about their past to stay out of trouble, but that is what will cause the trouble. It doesn't bring escape; it pleads guilty on your behalf. We as Christians live intimately with an omniscient God. There is no lying to him and getting away with it. But though we cannot lie to God, we can tell him the truth! And that is what he wants and expects. Think back to Genesis 3, the scene in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve have both disobeyed God. They're both embarrassed that they've done what they've done. God knows what has happened but asks anyway. "Where are you?" He knows where they are, but he wants them to come and meet with him, When Adam explains he is ashamed and hiding. God becomes more direct. He knows what has happened but asks very directly, as a yes or no question: "Did you eat from the tree of which I told you not to eat?" He makes it so simple to just tell the truth. (Adam does not take ownership--he finds away to avert the blame, but that's another story.)
God wants the truth from us. So dose everyone else in our lives, really. Want to avoid all the drama? You've gotta be real in your relationships. Especially in your relationship with God. It is in your relationship with Him you find a truth that sets you free (Jn 8:32).

Why I Hate Katniss

Yes, my blog title is making light of my husband's latest post on his blog. (You can click here to read it.) But unlike Stephen and the church, I actually do hate Katniss.
**Spoiler alert! This post may contain information you don't want to know yet!**

I finished The Hunger Games this morning. So over the weekend when you notice my eyes are all puffy from crying and my temper is just a little shorter, and when you find all the ice cream in my freezer is gone, you'll know what happened. Finishing that book was awful! And yet it really couldn't have ended any other way. Collins's message on human depravity is clear. She stays true to that message and doesn't feel the urge to deviate from it for the sake of an easy happy ending. (Although to be honest, any ending with Peeta is a happy ending! Girls, I know you're with me on that one.)

I'd like to start with a disclaimer that I don't usually read books that are as easy to read as The Hunger Games are. I prefer to stick with the classics. The Hunger Games was supposed to be my light read for the year. (Ha!) I'm afraid that I wasn't all too impressed with the execution. Collins's writing is simple and unimpressive. But the story is fabulous. 

All three books were permeated with a dark kind of irony that always intrigues me. It is true that the last thing you would expect to happen in the first book is what happens later on in most cases. For example, Peeta's undying love for Katniss dies. When Prim dies, Katniss tunes all the world out, just like her mother had done when her father died. All three members of the love-triangle survive all three books. (If it was ever convenient to Katniss for someone to die, it should have been Peeta or Gail.) In the end, Snow was not really the bad guy. He was a bad guy. But he was no worse than Coin. This is the biggest irony of all. Coin, not Snow, succeeded in finally killing off Primrose. Under Snow's reign, Katniss was given the opportunity to step up and save her. Under Coin's, Prim was sacrificed so that the Mockingjay could be put in a cage. And that's why I was so proud when Katniss took down Coin instead of an already-dying Snow. 

But the damage had already been done. Not to Prim or Katniss--although the damage to them was irreparable. The damage is done to the reader, because the reader now knows that it doesn't matter. Even if Katniss did defeat both blood-thirsty war-mongering leaders, the human race is hopelessly depraved. I think Collins's message hits home. It's very clear. No one walks away from these books thinking how kind the world is. Does she provide a solution to the poor, crying, ice cream-consuming wrecks that her literature leaves behind? I'm not sure. What do you think? The answer could have been the cease-fire Peeta called for all along. Would it have been better to continue to live in oppression? Was it worth the sacrifice? Or at the end of the epilogue when Katniss explains her survival to her children with her new game: counting the good things she's seen people do? Is the solution to the near-extinction of humanity (as known in Panem) simply to remember the good things in life? I don't know.

So down to the question: why do I hate Katniss? Her goal is obvious: survival. Not just in the games. Not just in the war. In every aspect of this book her only goal is the survival of herself and one other person: Prim. No one else matters. And of course there's nothing wrong with wanting the survival of herself and her sister. But she doesn't love anyone else. I'm especially focused on her relationships with Gail and Peeta here. Never once did she extend a kindness to either of them that was not for her own survival. That's not what love is. Love is others-focused. Katniss is Prim-focused and self-focused at first. By the second book she and Prim are no longer even really very close. Then it's Katniss first. And that goal justifies all means of using and abusing relationships with people who really do love her. That's my take. If you're not convinced, re-read the books through only Peeta's eyes. Or Gail's. Use and abuse. You'll see. 

The Power of the Tongue

I'm so blessed to be married to such an awesome guy. I really am. Yesterday, I was so sick all I could do was lay on the couch with a bucket in one hand and a remote in the other. It was awful. And Stephen was sooo sweet to sit by me and keep me entertained. He ran errands twice getting me whatever I wanted. He takes such good care of me.
He's always been good for me. We have so much fun together. We do fun things. We lay around like lazy bums together. But my favorite moments together--the reasons I fell in love with him, even--are the times we just sit around and talk. Come to think of it, those are my favorite moments with all my friends. Granted I'm a talky person. But that's pretty much where a relationship exists right? In communication?
Proverbs 18:20 tells us "From the fruit of their mouth a person's stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied." So true right? We have to have this interaction. It goes on to verse 21 to say, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." The words we absorb from our friends, our family--those words have power. They can make us or break us. The words we love the most--the words we surround ourselves with--those words are the "fruit" we eat. The question is whether those words mean life or death to us.
So this is a big deal. The verse calls for us to be aware, more than anything, of what we're doing. It calls for a change in communication. This change in communication will  change in every relationship we have in two ways. First of all we change the relationships we do have because we change ourselves to communicate in a more God-like way. Second, we surround ourselves with other people who talk in the way Proverbs describes.
That's a big change. More to come on what that change looks like.

Angle

So sorry it's been so long since my first post... May is always the craziest time of year. Now we're in June. Thank God.
Recently I've been reading through Proverbs. It's definitely a lighter read than Leviticus...but often difficult to apply. Not because the verses aren't relevant. They really are timeless, actually. But the typical chapter-a-day way of reading is not as helpful as it is in other books. When it comes to devotions, I've done it all. I don't always stick with it of course...but I've at least attempted every way I know when it comes to reading the Bible. I've done the One-a-Day devotional books. (One page a day--much like it sounds.) I've read a chapter per day. I've read for a set amount of time. I've read a book a day. (Honesty requires I admit that this was only something I was willing to do for books 5 chapters and under.) All of these options help me to understand a passage in its context. Proverbs is different. It's very....topical. So how do I approach it?
First I read the whole book. A chapter a day. It's easy to take one verse and try to remember it, but then all the other verses slip through my fingers. As I read I tried to pick up on various themes in each chapter. While there are common threads throughout the book, they seem sporadic and disconnected in the individual chapters. So I read it again. This time I kept track of those threads, noting each time they made an appearance, hoping that I could piece them all together to see the tapestry they create together.
If you're hoping for a revelation, I'm still hoping for one too.
Till then, I'll try to piece this together as best I can. Proverbs has a 9 chapter introduction on the importance of wisdom. And if anyone can teach us wisdom, it should be Solomon. Read his story here.
Following this long description of a parent pleading with his child to obtain wisdom, are short truths that are easy to remember as we go about our day, better known as (you guessed it) proverbs. Starting in chapter 10. This is where I started splitting up the verses.
One of the more prominent threads written in my little grey notebook is made up of the verses on how we speak. It is perhaps the single largest topic of discussion in Solomon's mind as he writes to us. So over these next few posts I'll be discussing what I find. You have to help me out! Please read with me and help me determine what God has for us to learn.

Tree

Blessed is the man 

who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, 

nor stands in the way of sinners, 

nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

but his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night. 

He is like a tree

planted by streams of water

that yields its fruit in its season, 

and its leaf does not wither. 

In all that he does, he prospers.

The wicked are not so, 

but are like chaff that the wind drives away. 

Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,

nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;

for the LORD knows the way of the righteous, 

but the way of the wicked will perish.

Psalm 1 is one of my favorite passages. It's a strange concept at first. I remember reading it when I had just started understanding who Jesus really is--who GOD really is. It seemed so foreign, even apart from its poetic form. Even understanding all the words.
I grew up in an especially Christian home, if there were such a thing. (There isn't.) For sake of clarity, my family was deeply involved in the church occupationally, voluntarily, and habitually. I grew up familiar with "Bible words". I knew 'blessed' meant 'happy' from the time I could spell it. (And I started spelling pretty early.) But I didn't experience the blessedness this psalm is talking about until I was twelve years old and I obeyed what it said.
So when I look at this psalm now, I know what it means in a whole new way.
Happiness. Something everyone wants. And this psalm tells us how to get it.

DO NOT:

• Walk in the counsel of the wicked.
• Stand in the way of sinners.
• Sit in the seat of scoffers.

Who are the wicked? The opposite of the righteous. And who is righteous? "None is righteous; no, not one" (Ro. 3:10). No one here on earth, that is. God is righteous (vs 26). "All have sinned" (vs 23), therefore we are all sinners. And everyday we experience someone who scoffs at doing the right thing--many times we scoff at it ourselves. So we know who the passage is talking about. 

What  is it telling us not to do? The verbs walk, stand, sit all suggest a permanent residence in focusing on the counsel/teachings of other people. If we're spending the majority of our lives trying to follow in someone else's footsteps, we're in the wrong. So who can we turn to? 

DO:

• Delight in the Law of the Lord.
• Meditates on the Law day and night.

That's the most intimidating part of this Psalm. Delight? Meditate? Big words. Who delights in reading the Bible every day? Who thinks about the Bible all day and all night? 

These were my feelings as I first read this psalm. 

But here's what I didn't expect. The more I read, the more I learned, the more I enjoyed it. The more I thought about it, the more I learned about God, and the more I loved Him.
This is who I became:

He is like a tree

planted by streams of water

that yields its fruit in its season,

and its leaf does not wither. 

In all that he does, he prospers. 

See? That's me now! I'm like a tree. I'm rooted. And that's who I want to be. God holds me in his hand. I always have exactly what I need exactly when I need it. I always have this relationship. I don't need to try to be like anyone else. In fact, I shouldn't. Everyone else will lead me the wrong way at some point--but God is here for me. Maybe the Beatles were right. Maybe all I need is love.

Psalm 91:14-16

"Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;

    I will protect him, because he knows my name.

¹⁵ 

When he calls to me, I will answer him;

    I will be with him in trouble;

    I will rescue him and honor him.

¹⁶ 

With long life I will satisfy him

    and show him my salvation.”